Dear Baby: A letter to my bump at 19 weeks

Dear Baby: A letter to my bump at 19 weeks

 

Hello little baby inside my tummy,

This is your Mummy. I’m currently 19.5 weeks pregnant and this is the first time I have written anything to you, but please don’t think it’s because we were more excited for your sister to arrive (you’ll know that I’d filled out her baby book for 20 weeks by now!), actually the main reason I haven’t written is because I couldn’t bear to connect with you and let my heart love you, then have you taken away from me like what happened to me with your oldest sister, and again with a little baby before you which we don’t know was a girl or a boy. I still can’t explain the pain I felt during those times and so I wanted to make sure you were ok before I opened my heart.

Today we had our 20 week scan to check that everything was ok with your development. I’ve learned by now not to get to excited at the 12 week scan because problems can still occur so today was a pretty big deal for me. The lady doing the scan took all your measurements, whilst Daddy and I watched her holding our breath. Letter to my 19 week baby bumpShe showed us both of your little legs and tummy, then as she was scanning your hands you gave us a little wave. It made my heart flutter when eventually she said that everything was ok and I wanted to let out a big cry. I’d been so so worried.

We are so unbelievably happy and excited to meet you. I couldn’t concentrate when I got back to work, and even now its 11.30 in the evening and I can’t sleep. Daddy is fast asleep next to me, but I am up writing this because I’m too excited and scared that if I do sleep, something will change and I’ll wake up and you won’t be here anymore.

We are going to love you so much as a family. You already have one crazy, beautiful older sister who is currently 20 months old. We haven’t told her about you yet, but tonight she wanted to lift my top up and sleep on my tummy, so I think she knows you are in there.  She absolutely loves playing and hiding, so I know you are going to have the best time playing together.

Then there’s your Daddy and I who love each other so very much, as have so much love to give our new little baby and we cannot wait for you to become part of our family. Its a tight squeeze in our bed with the three of us at the moment, but there is always room for one more, so I hope you like cuddles.

I don’t think i’ll keep a weekly diary for you like I did with your sister, you might be a boy and not really interested!! But I will write you a long letter every so often so you know how much I love you –  my smallest baby (at the moment). The one who is oh so active, but who I haven’t yet felt (my placenta is on the outside). The one who made me so poorly for the first four months but filled my heart with so much love that I’d experience that tiredness again 1 million times over and the one who I felt kick once on the outside when I was in the bath, so I’ve been having baths most nights ever since, just so I can feel you move again.

We didn’t find out your sex today because we’d be happy whether you’re a girl or a boy and so would like a surprise. Either way you are our baby, part of our family and we simply cannot wait to hold you in our arms xxx

 

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